When you first meet a new partner and begin to connect sexually, things can be super intense. You are exploring new territory and the feelings, sensations, and sexual reactions can be truly exciting. Although the spark of a new relationship or sexual connection can be satisfying on a level, a recent sexually expanded experience I had with my husband made me contemplate why the commitment, love, respect, playfulness, and everlasting sexual pleasure is so strong between my husband, Mountain and I.
In fact, I am not the only one who has wanted to learn the answer to this question. In their own words, various people (friends, family, and blog readers always ask me this question: “Considering your past with sexual abuse and Mountain’s difficult childhood combined with the fact that you have been together for two decades raising a bazillion kids, how can you two still have such an epic connection, magical sex life, and experience such immense pleasure on a daily basis?”
Answering this question has not been an easy task. We have contemplated our connection (emotionally, spiritually, physically, and sexually) from a variety of angles and perspectives and still did not find the “magic ingredient”. However, this weekend, after an intense sexual experience, I had an epiphany. If you’re wondering what this intense sexual experience was (if you’re not one of the lucky few who I told personally), no worries, I will share in a future post, but for now, I want to focus on sharing this profound knowledge without distraction.
So here goes:
As always, I like to express myself through story telling. So if it feels comfortable for you, let’s go on an erotic journey together. Imagine if you would, that you are single and uninhibited. I am not asking you to break marital vows, or stretch your boundaries, just asking you to open your mind to this mental adventure so you are hopefully able to better understand what I am about to share.
So imagine if you would that you have stepped into the bedroom of a total stranger. You feel attracted to this person and there is a definite chemistry between you. Now allow yourself to give and let go into the experience. You feel a gentle caress across your body. You can feel the heat of your breath on your new found lover’s neck. You kiss and it’s divine. You feel pleasure pulsing through your body and you want to dive deeper into pleasure with this person. Can you do that? Do you need permission? Is she or he responding to your touch in a way that makes you melt into ecstasy? Beyond kissing, touching, caressing and possibly fucking, do you understand the intricate pleasure map of this person’s body? Do they understand and delight in the pleasure map of your body?
To expand, let’s imagine me and my lover. We have been learning about each other’s bodies for half of our lives. We have dedicated ourselves to the art of pleasure and mutually profound sexual satisfaction. No matter what challenges we face (and I promise you we have faced more than our fair share) we can always let go into pleasure. I know his body. He knows my body. There is nothing that is off limits between us. Beyond our sexual connection, we are the true definition of “lovers”. We honor each other and hold space for each other to grow and expand without expectation or limits.
It may help if you just dive in with me for a moment. If you would…
When I lay naked in front of Mountain I am open, vulnerable, and fully focused on the experience we are manifesting together. When we make love, our intention is to dive into the depths of pleasure. When you are with someone new, it’s as if you are skinny dipping in the ocean. You are both nude and excited. You feel that new spark and excitement. You are able to experience a level of pleasure, but you somehow know there is more. Something expansive. Something mind blowing. Something you simply cannot achieve in those first few interactions.
Imagine now that you learn more about this person’s sexual needs and what makes them truly FEEL PLEASURE. They are also learning about your needs and what makes you truly FEEL PLEASURE. But you still feel like the possibility for more exists. If you are committed to not only maintaining but also deepening your pleasure as your relationship grows there are no limits to how deep into pleasure you may go. Unfortunately, the majority of couples do not continue focusing on expanded pleasure. They splash around on the surface of the ocean, naked and excited, but unable to express and experience their deepest desires.
For my husband and I, that is not the case. I believe that pleasure is our birthright. I do not believe that feeling profound pleasure is sinful or “naughty”. I believe that we are born to feel profound pleasure. For me, as long as sexual intimacy and connection is consensual and feels good for both partners, there are simply no limits to how far into pleasure we can venture. Because we share this point of view, we have moved far beyond skinny dipping in the shallow end of the ocean. At first, when we were exploring each other’s bodies, pleasure centers, and learning what makes each of us feel pure ecstasy, it was as though we had moved beyond skinny dipping and put on our scuba gear.
We found ourselves able to dive deeper and deeper into an ecstatic sexual union. As we were diving down, we were creating our mutual “pleasure map”. But rather than allow ourselves to get caught up in one form of sexual expression, we continued to learn, expand, and experience new and exciting ways to pleasure each other. As we learned, we found that we no longer needed the “scuba diving gear”. We were swimming freely diving as deep into the ocean of pleasure as our hearts, bodies, and spirits desired. We achieved total sexual freedom and it feels fucking phenomenal. In fact, there are no words I can use to fully described what we feel when we make love. What we feel when we fuck. What we feel when we kiss. What we feel when we freely explore each other’s bodies with pleasure and connection held as our intention.
It is beyond measure. It is beyond words. It is beyond ecstasy. It is beyond beautiful. It is pure unadulterated bliss! When we are at the bottom of an ocean of pleasure, we encounter the most magical moments. Moments you simply cannot experience when you’re swimming on the surface. I am not sure if it is something everyone can accomplish. I like to think so, but in all honesty, it takes knowledge, wisdom, and sexual expertise beyond what the average person attains in their entire lives. So I am asking you to join me on this journey. We won’t make love or connect sexually, but I can share my sexual secrets and wisdom with you. And in doing so, it is my hope that I can transform the face of North American sexuality one deep, profound, full body, ecstatic orgasm at a time!
The following set of photos are self-portraits of me exploring what it feels like to be naked in a space of pleasure (I took them with my iPhone during a beautiful sunny morning in my bedroom just after self-pleasuring to thoughts of my lover). The setting is my bedroom with the sun cascading through my bedroom window. I hope you enjoy them!
From my heart to yours, in vulnerability,
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